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Saturday, July 31, 2004
Failure ...
Today marks a very special day for me. And all of this is thanks to one very good friend of mine (Keith). He and I have been throwing around discussions about my ex-girl friend. We've discussed the ironic points in my life and the fact that history repeats its self and so on. And although he thought I wasn't listening, I actually was. He said that although my life was ironic and history had repeated itself, it didn't mean it had to be that way forever. He told me that I had to break the cycle.
Then today in yet another conversation about the ex, I was telling Keith how I'm going to go back to my old way of acting. Sure, my girlfriends back then didn't get to know the reall me, but the advantage was that they didn't stick around long enough for me to get attached to them. Which of course made the breaks up easier. After I told him this he got upset and told me that being myself (my true honest self) is what got the love of my life to stay with me for 3 years, instead of the traditional 3 months. To which of course I argued that in the end I still got screwed out of a relationship and this time it really really hurts. So, not being me is the best and easiest solution. Although he didn't come out and say it, I kind of figured that Keith thought that was a stupid selfish childish morinic idiotic excuse and that I was pretty much acting like a big fucking baby. Well, he was right and I was. So, what makes today so special? Well, thanks to my best friend, I have decided that I will continue to be myself and let my next girlfriend know not only how I am, but who I really am and how I feel. So in short, the thing that makes today special is that the failure is over. I am going to start being more proud of myself and who I am. I can never thank Keith enough for all that he has done for me.
Leave your mark
Friday, July 30, 2004
The Latest In... Promotion?
So here I am, halfway through my long work stretch, 7 days down, 7 to go. This morning I had a meeting with the head of Accounting, the Controller (it's a real position term) Debra. She sat me down under the pretense of telling me about her job (finishing the Day In the Life Reversed I did a couple weeks back) but we really spent most of the time discussing the possibility of me being promoted and moving "upstairs". The promotion isn't much. A half buck off the bat (hell, her first figure was actually 5 cents less an hour than what I make now!), a real schedule (8 to 4:30 or 8:30 to 5, Mon to Fri) and the "backup for the Night Audit Supervisor" which really means I'll be the first guy to go to if the Audit's in the shitter, but no title to go with it. I'll also stay on hourly wages, which allows this transition to go easier. The big issues are A) the amount of work by comparison, and B) the having to deal with the lot of the execs on a regular basis. Oh, and Vacation time? Ha, don't even bother. Sure I'll get it, but when would I get to use it? It's too busy up there. I need to "raise myself" by becoming "accountable" and making those around me (the other auditor) accountable as well. This means my black leather sneakers won't cut it, and I need black dress socks too (WTF does it matter what socks I wear? Heck, soon they'll be setting uniform standards on underwear). At first she mentioned clean shaven, and she made it seem like she was going to try and force me to lose the goatee. When they hired me they tried that too. Didn't fly, since there's narry a rule about pre-existing. Just gotta trim it more. It also means I have to get on my partner's ass about his work, habits of falling asleep, no calling/no showing, work, and make sure whether or not he's staying in the company. Accountable is a pain in my ass. Tuesday, July 27, 2004
The Latest in Getting in Shape ...
Well, today makes 29 days that I have been on the South Beach diet. So far I have lost 22 lbs. Now starts the actual getting in shape. So I started working out to try and tone/trim myself so that I look good on my cruise. I do however, still have about 12 or so pounds to go. My goal weight is to be 165 lbs. I'm down to a size 34 pants from 38. :-) Go me.
I can't wait, on August 21st, I will be looking good and looking for titty. :-) Monday, July 26, 2004
It Begins ...
Well, today starts of a new week were school is no longer a factor. Today marks my first real day of freedom as well as the countdown to my cruise. I'm so looking forward to it that it isn't even funny. Although I may not get any of it, I know there will be all sorts of cruise titty. :-) Just the thought makes my mouth water. Why ... because ... titty ... titty, titty.
The Latest In Worker Ranting
I haven't watched Pitch Black in years, but it really is a good movie. Sci-fi horror and all. The thing that makes Pitch Black better than Chronicles of Riddick (not that I saw it) is the subtlety that they allow Riddick to have. It's a movie about Riddick that wasn't about Riddick. He was always there without being there, he wasn't "the action guy". Just what he had to say and how he said it spoke volumes. HALO 2 is such a monster for Microsoft that they've actually released a true to form movie-styled trailer which is showing in Previews in certain movie theaters. IGN, of course, made this trailer available for d-load. The killer deal here is the main best #1-san showing, though only 44 MB's, is HD picture and 5.1 sound, 1900 x something or other. The thing is so tight, it WILL NOT RUN correctly on my PC. IGN even states to only view it on a high end PC, like 3 Ghz at LEAST. I ended up grabbing the next size down as well, so I could view it. Nothing we haven't seen yet, but still a cool watch. RE4 is held off till next February. At least I have a more wide-spread gaming template now. GTA: San Andreas mid-October, Smackdown! vs RAW end of October, HALO 2 November 9th, Devil May Cry 3 supposedly by the end of the year, Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic: Sith Lords hopefully by the holidays, or maybe February, then RE4 early Feb next year. Add the final Star Wars prequel (finally titled; Revenge of the Sith) on May 19th and I got my next year of entertainment planned. Now if only my controllers, hardware, and fingers last through it all... Thursday, July 22, 2004
The Latest
Three cheers and two titty for David! I'm near to my 2 weeks of straight work. And that sucks ass. Least I get paid tomorrow. Not that I'll have anything but paid bills to show for it. Back to writing I guess. I'm tired but I got shit to finish up. A Successful Failure
Well, my grade for my last class came in today. (Yes, I know that was really fast grading seeing as how the final was yesterday.) My final grade was a C. So I passed. Now all I have to do is wait for them to review my academic record to see if I can graduate. Mostly likely, everything will be fine and I will be able to graduate. So ... provided that all my "ducks are in line", this failure of my education is now finally over. Wednesday, July 21, 2004
I hope it ends ...
Well, today is the big day. My very last final (provided I pass) at NJIT. And then this failure I call my education will finally be over. The Latest In Pissed Off
So here I am, early a.m., and I've been realizing, like David, I really have issues saying no. The problem is, it ends up building because I keep saying yes, helping out others, and they take advantage of me, which pisses me off, plus I never work on my OWN things, which pisses me off. I got into a war with Kijo of RealmofDreams yesterday over it, and this morning I finally snapped thanks to Eric of UltimatePride and FinalFantasyUnleashed. Last night he asks me to hack his phpBB board and install a hack that allows pjirc to work in the board, and uses the name you are logged into the board as your name to login to IRC. Really nice hack. I say ok, I'll do it when I get up. So I wake up this morning and bam, I do it. Then I set him up in an IRC room, ops, regs, the whole nine. The second I finish he starts telling me how I need to make a new room on another server with a different name, add skins, 4 hacks, and do it all on a completely different board! That was it I couldn't handle it anymore. I've completely ignored my own message boards and websites for so damned long trying to be nice to other people who DON'T GIVE A DAMN about the effort I put in. I'm fucking sick of this shit. I got efedding to do, hacks to install, databases to clean up, stories to add to, and on top of ALL THAT, I need to friggin RELAX because starting this Friday night I'm working 11 days straight alone through two jam packed wedding weekends, and then another 3 days until I get time off. I need to enjoy my shit while I can, and what am I doing? Fucking working on the net. So that's it. I'm done. I've taken all I can stands, and I can't stands no more! Thursday, July 15, 2004
Getting even closer...
Well, the clock is most definitely ticking. I know only have 5 hours left of school. 3 hours on monday and a 2 hour final on wednesday. Then god willing this nightmare I call my education will be over. I will be free. Oh I can not wait. On the lighter side of things, I do feel a little more confident about passing this class.
I can't think of anything else to post for right now, so perhaps I will post again later. Wednesday, July 14, 2004
The Latest
I have my new clothes, most of em anyways. Took em to work last night and showed em off to the front door. Needless to say the door was reflecting on the show the entire time I was doing the showing. Damn glass doors. All my casual clothes (other then my new non-work sneakers) are of course backordered till August. Lousy fudgepacking hermaphrodites. As long as my Amazon order is here by Friday, we'll all be happy. David is home studying instead of hanging out with his bestest friend. Hell, he aint even hanging out with me. DAAAAAMN! Guess I may as well sleep. Fin. I hate studying...
Well, today I took off from work to go apply for my passport and to study for some school stuff. And let me tell you, studying sucks and is very difficult. Well, difficult for me anyway. :-) I hate it, it is so boring. Especially when the material is horrible and the book is confusing. Who would have thought that Linear Algebra would have been so difficult. I hope and pray that I pass this class so that I can graduate in August. In other news, I'm currently trying to re-learn Visual Basic .NET, which is going well. I have plans of finishing the inventory program I wrote for my job last August. Plus I hope to be able to start working on my Aldazar Online Collectible Inventory (AOCI). Why you may be asking yourself? Well, without a girlfriend, I need something to keep me busy. But I won't make the same mistakes I made before once or if I get one, I will drop the projects if I feel that they are getting in the way of my relationship. Which I know makes some of you think to yourself ... "Man, what a pussy". Which may or may not be true, but being in a relationship makes me happier than anything and I wouldn't do anything to disrupt it. Well, that is pretty much it for today. I hope to post again tomorrow. Tuesday, July 13, 2004
Apocalypse? 0_o
Oh I see, so I get serious and the apocalypse is now coming. Figures, I was always told I would bring about the end of the world. :-)
I had to go stop my the CEO's house today and fix his PC. Of course, he has 2 dogs. A black and chocolate labrador retriever. And as always, they know that I am allergic to them. So, the black one comes up to me and starts saying "Woof motherfucker. I know you are allergic to me, but I'm the bosses dog so make with the petting or your fired." So of course, for fear of losing my job I pet the dog. And now I'm off to spend a dreary at the Elizabeth sea port. Go me. The Latest In Tired Worker Ranting
Holy fuck I'm tired. I've been here at work since 10:50 a.m. Sunday night. I worked 8 hours, had an hour and a half rest, worked 7 hours, had 6 hours rest, and am working another 8. Damn them all to hell if I don't get promoted soon. At least a friggin Employee of the Month. I'm coming up on my year anniversary of working for Dolce, and unlike most ever job before this, this one has the looks of a long hauler. I'm in no hurry to leave (unless mo' money is offered) and there are always transfer options to other properties, including abroad. I could use a broad right now. Or a chick. Dame. Senorita. Whatever. And I, too, am hungry. Course, us overnighters don't get no food... Nice to see a few familiar faces with randomness in the air mixed with serious David talk (serious David talk? It's the sign of the Apocalypse! Run bitch, RUN!) Oh, and I ordered Spider-Man 2 (game) on Xbox, The Principal, SouthPark Season 4, Robocop Trilogy, and Highlander: the Final Dimension Dir Cut on DVD. I should have em Wednesday to Friday. Monday, July 12, 2004
Kahp, Kahp, Kahp
Reclusive Edition Every few minutes my concentration is broken by the wet peeling sounds of a cars tires going up the street. The occupants are probably chilled in the that half-damp state you find yourself in after a quick dash for the car, a clumsy fumble for the door key, followed by a slam and a sigh as the engine starts. I, though, am dry -- and now totally off topic. I was trying to write some code that I've been meaning to get around to for some time, but I think I've designed everything all wrong. So, I've wandered about my blog list and now am posting to one. It's not that I have anything to share really... this post is a lot like the rain outside. Sorta white noise emoted in text. And the rain still goes kahp-kahp-kahp... man... I think I need some tea. Time to rewrite this silly Java class... So close ...
Well, little by little, the end is drawing near. I only have one class left before I graduate and I'm taking it this summer. In 2 weeks time the class will be over (07/21/03). Things aren't looking so good right now, but I hope that I pass. All I need is a "D" and that should be enough to graduate. Looks like I'm going to have to add passing to my list of things I pray for.
But, once I graduate, I will have my complete and utter freedom. Once I graduate, I will be able to go home at 5 o'clock just like everyone else. No more homework, no more stupid group work and pointless assignments. And then I get to move out and start a whole new set of problems for myself. But I guess that is just the way growing up and moving on has to be. Not that I am complaining. At least I will have something to keep my mind active. If the next 2 weeks go well, I will start looking for a new home. Either a townhouse/condo or a house. I'm shooting for a townhouse because I really don't have time to do the usual yard work and I've been told that most (not all) areas take care of that for you. If anyone has any suggestion of a good place to start looking (either existing or developing areas) please let me know. Hrmmm
I'm hungry.
When's lunch? Oooh look at me...
Look at me!
I'm postin, I'm postin, I'm postin, I'm postin in place. What?!? Things you learn...
It is amazing what one can learn when completely bored out of his/her mind with no one to talk to. I'm sure we have already heard the old saying of "All you need is love" and the opposite old saying of "Love isn't enough". Well, while bored with no one to talk to, I started thinking about these sayings. Mainly because I was thinking about my ex-girlfriend and something she had said and something my mother had said. Last week, MC called me up (which was amazing, because since the break-up, I've done about 89% to 95% of the calling) and we were talking about her new boyfriend (who by the way sounds like a really great guy so yes I am happy that she is happy) and part way through the conversation, she informs me that she still loves me (which may or may not mean anything). So the next night I'm talking to my mom about this and she says "Well, if she loves you, then why is she with someone else?". Which of course is a completely good question. So then I started thinking about what they have both said and I started to realize that both the statement that "All you need is love" and "Love isn't enough" are both absolutely 100% true. Yes, love is all you need to make a relationship work; however, sometimes a relationship can be at the wrong time. Perhaps one or both of the people need to complete some task in their lives before they can share themselves fully with the person they love. This is of course where love isn't enough. Not that it isn't enough for the relationship, but it isn't enough for one or both individuals. Now, you are probably saying, yeah, ok, that makes sense a little, but if what you say is right, why is he/she with someone else right? That is a good question. And the only answer I have for that is confusion. I've realized and accepted that there is no logical reasoning for anything that happens when love is involved. And for someone who is as logical as I am, it can become very frustrating. However once I realized this, the illogical nature of love no longer frustrated me or upset me. So with my new found lack of knowledge in love I've decided that unless I fall completely 100% in love with someone else (i.e. love at first sight kind of thing), I'm going to (as the song suggestes) be right here waiting for her. Well, that is all. I hope to post again tomorrow. Friday, July 09, 2004
*rises from the ashes*
Mwahahahaha... I will blog if I damn well feel like it!! (~_^)
Not enough sleep+sleeping on the couch+no coffee= a tired, grumpy Brianne I really need to find time in the morning to have coffee. And I despise the stretch of parkway that goes through Newark. God damn traffic. And I was almost sideswiped to my doom twice in two days. It's been a fun week. Really. All I want to do is go home, swim, take a nap, and spend my weekend wasting away on FFXI... is that too much to ask? Now ... How ironic can you get?
I graduated from High School 7 years ago. My senior year in High School, I met the first love in my life. 5 months before we graduated, she broke up with me and started dating a guy who's initials are JF. That year I also went on my very first cruise.
Now, here I am 7 years later and the second love of my life has broken up with me 5 months before I graduate college, is now dating a guy who's initials are JF and this year I am going on my second cruise. Is that not just the most fucked up thing or what? Oh, and one more thing I forgot to mention. Out of my first breakup came the birth of Aldazar (my company), out of my second breakup came the death of Aldazar (my company). Thursday, July 08, 2004
What a slow assed work week. Good timing for my partner in crime to take it upon himself to slack off and not come in Sunday or Monday. I'm basically sick of this. I'm coming up on my year now, and he's progressively worsened. I'm right abou to agree that they need to drop him to part time, hire someone new, and then maybe dump him altogether. Something needs to be done. To make my bosses happy, I spent a shitload of fake credit today on clothes. For work I bought 6 new short sleeved white dress shirts, black leather sneakers, and a crapload of new socks. They may not like the shortsleeved thing, but you can't REALLY tell while wearing a jacket. At least not enough that it would matter. And I know they want shoes, but I can't find shoes comfortable enough to wear all the time and be on my feet for so long. Plus I bought a bunch of other clothes. I should have most of it in Monday. Not much else beyond work these days. I got back into GTA Vice City, finally learning how to play it on the Box. It's good practice for San Andreas in October. I'll have to borrow the PS2 versions of 3 and VC back from David a couple weeks before it's released and get my skill back up. Ah well. To sleep so I may work again. Blech. |
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